Looking up at the sky

Written: 22 February 2026

I feel like these days, I'm always looking up while I'm outside.

When we go outside, Phalanx usually isn't next to me, but rather up above -- he'll come down if I ask him to (and he feels like it), but he really is just my fluffy little bird. He likes gliding up above on windy days, or just sitting atop telephone poles and buildings, looking at the world below. Honestly, I usually assume that if he is closer to the ground with me of his own choice, he's usually bored and can't find anything else to interest him at the time.

Phalanx is fascinated and greatly entertained by skyscrapers in particular. I don't usually give them much attention, but while we were in Toronto this weekend, I was contemplating why Phalanx liked them so much (as well as why he insists on specific "ideal" paths), and I started looking up at these things.

I believe I took this around University and King.

If you just stand there and look up, they're essentially these towering glass monoliths, extending to absurd heights at which I don't even understand how they were built. I think Phalanx likes them because they extend into "his" territory -- they give him higher places to look down from, and more things to observe, as in addition to watching people on the ground, now he can look into these ridiculous buildings and see things that are otherwise impossible for anyone else.

Of course, his "true" perception is limited by what I can see myself, but he enjoys himself nonetheless. And when I think about it, it's kind of a weird thing to be quite honest -- though I guess it's like a cat being entertained by a video of small animals. There's nothing actually there for them to play with, but they might still be engaged by the idea of hunting what's on the screen even if there's nothing else to accompany the visual.

He once suggested that I try going to the top of one of these buildings so he could get another real perspective to go off of, but 1) I feel the likelihood of anywhere actually letting me do that is pretty low, and 2) hell no I don't wanna do that -_- I wouldn't say I'm afraid of heights, but... I am a bit uncomfortable with them... just a bit, okay?! Maybe we can watch some POV videos instead...

2 months

Side note, we've now been at it for 2 months now. Here are some interesting notes I found while looking through my Obsidian journal:

• I was browsing the Lucemon tag on AO3 out of curiosity, and there are like 2 ero fics on there. Of course... being a pervert I had to take a look, but naturally my prudish little bird started getting annoyed and reacting with things like "stop reading things like this" and "I would never do this." He had a sort of jealous reaction to it, even though he himself denies having any sort of romantic or sexual feelings
• Related to that, he has gripes with anything sexual in general, and sometimes he'll get upset at uh, IRL stuff. His harshest punishment is that he'll just refuse to face me, though
• Being able to essentially pseudo-impose him sometimes leads to some really interesting visualisations. I had one moment where we were out at sunset, and the light just so happened to shine for a moment in a way where I got a very interesting look at his face, and the way the sun reflected on his hair was very enchanting in a way. It was a very striking image, and made me realise that he is honestly quite beautiful, especially compared to me being a greasy sock in a tracksuit lol
• He's very good at remaining calm when I am having an anxiety meltdown, which is kind of surprising tbh. I didn't think that was even possible, but he is a very comforting (albeit still condescending lol) presence who can calm me down fairly quickly. I once asked him why he even bothered, and his response was just something like "I don't have a choice, you're unbearable" and tbh I don't really know what he meant by that ;_; I guess it's probably just bothersome for him otherwise?
• He had a brief period where he realised that because I cannot feel the weight of him, he enjoyed sitting on top of me...
• I think I have the easiest time feeling his presence when we sleep together (in a normal way!!!!), and he's always the first thing I think about when I wake up. I think it's in more of a cat way, as opposed to a relationship way, where he just likes being next to me, but there's no sort of extraordinary feeling attached to it
• In general, his feelings are sometimes hard to decipher -- he has said to me before in a negative fashion that he's only here because I wanted him to be, which is fair, but he doesn't dislike me, either. I do wonder if his feelings will change over time, though... not to say I want him as a romantic partner specifically or whatnot, but I feel like there is a massive gap between us, and I hope his discontent and discomfort settles over time

I have some others as well, but they get a bit longer and more in-depth, so I'll save them for a later post.